Self preservation…

13 04 2008

Cold meat

Well, apparently Mrs. Flibble had no idea how to re-attach my head.  

Splendid. 

So as to ensure that I remained suitably fresh my head got unceremoniously dumped in the fridge, awaiting the head re-attachment skills of Matron.  It’s now been nearly 47 minutes and I have to say my ears are getting a touch chilly.  It’s not all bad though  – 10 minutes ago I managed to scare four fellow inmates as they each tried to steal an egg.  Fools.  I can still hear the screaming (because I at least still have my ears attached).  Oh, and another bonus –  I’ve also got as much celery as anyone could possibly stomach. 

Splendid.

Bit bored though.  After the excitement of learning that the light does indeed go off when the door is closed, everything else is dull in comparison.  The lard especially so.  

*tries to blink in an exciting way to reduce the boredom*

*fails*

I don’t even have any thumbs to twiddle. 

*sigh*

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It explains everything…

12 04 2008

It explains everything

Things weren’t running smoothly.  My nipples had been singing Celine Dion songs when they were under direct orders to stick to Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds.  So when they reached the highs of “My heart will go on”, Mrs. Flibble took immediate and decisive action to fix things.

A quick rummage later, the source of the problem was obvious.  My obfulcantonator had become tangled with my nongle.  That’s pretty serious and if it hadn’t of been caught in time, my nipples could have moved on to Dolly Parton.

Now er… well… um… Mrs. Flibble may have introduced a few more problems with her pioneering surgery technique.  I’m sure Matron will have me back in working order in no time.

Splendid.