Reassembly issues…

14 04 2008

What have I become....

Matron finally got around to reassembling me after my head relocation issues earlier this week.  Now, I’m normally a huge fan of Matron’s surgery skills, but it wasn’t long before I had my suspicions that things hadn’t gone quite according to plan.

My pink and yellow pills didn’t cause my ears to shrink anymore. 

*Feeling of dread building up in pit of stomach*

So after 37 minutes my ears had reached the size of a small Labrador.  Those extra pinner dimensions were significantly amplifying sounds – like the rattle of my pills in their tubs.  That made pill selection nigh on impossible, so it was unsurprising when I couldn’t pick out my green knobbly nodules.  So of course, then my elbows started foaming.  I’d need to sort that out sharpish because the last time that happened I almost drowned. 

Panicking now, I had to think quickly. 

…or… I could forgo the thinking and just trust to my inner Flibble voice.  After all, thinking takes time and effort, neither of which I had.

It took a further 3 hours and twenty-seven minutes for my inner Flibble voice to say anything.  Apparently, as my voice later explained, it had been taking part in a sponsored mime.  *sigh*  The advice? 3 shots of weak lemon drink and some of the vintage maroon lead paint from 1972.

Worked like a charm.

All systems back online and purring like a rabid Siamese.

Splendid.

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It explains everything…

12 04 2008

It explains everything

Things weren’t running smoothly.  My nipples had been singing Celine Dion songs when they were under direct orders to stick to Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds.  So when they reached the highs of “My heart will go on”, Mrs. Flibble took immediate and decisive action to fix things.

A quick rummage later, the source of the problem was obvious.  My obfulcantonator had become tangled with my nongle.  That’s pretty serious and if it hadn’t of been caught in time, my nipples could have moved on to Dolly Parton.

Now er… well… um… Mrs. Flibble may have introduced a few more problems with her pioneering surgery technique.  I’m sure Matron will have me back in working order in no time.

Splendid.